Are you easily annoyed by others while at the Beach? Do you dream about writing tickets to folks who ignore the dog beach rules? Have you ever fantasized about using a taser on an unruly tourist? Do you hate to see other people having fun? Do you just hate other people? If any of these traits apply, the Town of Cape Charles has a job for you.
The Town of Cape Charles currently has 3 openings for Beach Attendants. Duties will include educating the public, monitoring safe, social distancing and contacting the Police if enforcement is required. This is a seasonal position and will require weekends. Applicant will work 24 hours a week at $10 an hour. Applications can be found at capecharles.org and should be submitted electronically to jodi.outland@capecharles.org. EEO.
Paul Plante says
Using a taser on that wide load fat *** tearing up the beach last year with his golf cart sounds like a plan.
Ray Otton says
I’m envisioning a few of our lefty contributors here walking about the beach in bathing suits on their scrawny, pasty white legs ( uh, oh, did I just make a racial construct faux pas????), holding a pad and pencil, jotting names of perps for reporting to the police and then…………..meeting self same perps at Kelly’s later that day.
Mr. Kelly, if you are listening, sell tickets ‘cuz it’s gonna be lit.
Thomas D. Giese says
Would the town consider $24.00 per hour and 10 hours a week. I also would like my Pitbull with me.,
Daniel Burke says
Once upon a time we used to build great bonfires on the beach, set off fireworks and drink champagne by the case until 5:00 am. Am I to assume that is no longer allowed?
Susan Moore says
I saw the help wanted posting. Absolutely nothing was said about writing tickets or tasers! This is very irresponsible and inflammatory “so-called” journalism and the writer should be ashamed.
Note: Go pee up rope, and then get a sense of humor Karen.
Paul Plante says
Susan, you must either be hysterical or you have been breathing too much carbon dioxide from being confined to your quarters for too long, which carbon dioxide overload affects your ability to think.
Open a window, breathe in some fresh air to get that stale air and sock odors out of your lungs, let your head clear, and then slowly and carefully go back and read the article, which has an A section, followed by a B section.
The B section, which is what the job is actually about, says nothing about using tasers on people at the beach.
The A section, as I read it, muses about the types of people who may be attracted to that kind of job.
It doesn’t say that they would actually get to have their fantasies fulfilled, like running that fat *** with the golf cart tearing up the beach from last year up and down the beach with a cattle prod to keep him moving so he could run off a lot of that excess fat and thereby become more healthy.
The A part reminds me of these stick-thin rent-a-cop dudes you see guarding the FBI headquarters up this way with the huge hog-leg .357 magnum pistola in their gun belts waiting for chance to blow somebody’s **** away just to see if the stopping power of a .357 magnum is all it is cracked up to be.
Melissa Marsh says
This is why locals go else where to live and shop else where. It saddens me to see that us locals have turned out to be Assholes .
Paul Plante says
Out of mere curiosity, and by way of passing the time while in COVID lock-down like a lifer criminal in a SUPER-MAX without having done any crimes to get there, other than getting old, do you honestly think Cape Charles is the only town in America that is full of A-HOLES?
Do you think Richmond is free of them?
Ray Otton says
I hear upstate NY has quite a few.
Sorry but you stepped right in front of that one.
Paul Plante says
I stepped in front of nothing.
All of NY has a load of them and they are thick in Albany, and the capital, especially the 2d floor, is pretty much exclusively their domain, but I didn’t say any of that because I know how sensitive you are to any comments in here that speak of anyplace outside of Virginia, because you believe the Cape Charles Mirror is only for those who live in Cape Charles, and in honor of your sensitivity, I left that out.
But since you raised a valid point, I will say how much I agree with you.
If I was younger, I would blow this ****hole and move down there and live next door to you in a neighborhood where none are said to exist for miles around.
Stepped right out in front of that one, didn’t you.
Ray Otton says
Sorry, the HOA has a hard and fast rule against blowhards.
Paul Plante says
How exactly did you manage to sneak in then, Raymond?
Melissa Marsh says
I apologize for what I texted I wrote. But who would want to go to a beach having fun and family time with family and friends and having a cop there hovering over you if your not actually doing the 6 ft apart from each other. Our children isn’t going to listen they are to Young to understand especially if a child is handicap n can’t comprehend what is happening in front of them . There is other ways of going by then tasering people closed the beach up with fencing and lock up all entrances and put out keep out those who violate will be prosecuted. I believe using a taser on someone especially if it’s a child it will bring lawsuits against the town and the town will lose their reperatation of being a Family oriented place . I have lived on The Eastern Shore all my life and I have had my run in with alot of people n places. Word of mouth ruins everything who would want to go to a beach that will use a taser on you ! I wouldn’t and I know no one else would either. So please think twice before you do so. Come next year when all this virus is gone n we can actually live our lives like we were before all this started people are going to remember about Cape Charles Beach used Tasers on people who didn’t distant themselves. I wouldn’t want to visit such a place…
Margot Gorske says
Melissa; the town is not using tasers. That was a sarcastic comment by the editor and in no way the town’s policy. Beaches across the country have to follow new rules etc. and VA is no different. CC is just falling in line with VA beach etc. The beach patrol is to be educative, not punitive, to help people stay safe and in compliance. Temporary measure and will be respective of all handicapped persons or any one exhibiting a special need.
Note: Was anyone really dumb enough to believe mall cops on the beach will be given weapons when they can barely wipe their own bottoms? Good grief.
Ray Otton says
You’ll just LOVE being “safe and compliant”.
Stuart Bell says
Hog and Cobb Island are beautiful this time of year. Plenty of sun, sand, and ocean.
Stay Hydrated, Fools.
David L Moore says
Fools inded!
Stuart Bell says
They can not make it through a 45 minute church service without hitting a 40 oz bottle of water every 15 minutes. Their masters told them to drink bottled tap water and they happily obliged them.
Stay Hydrated, Fools.
Cherri says
I fuss at litter bugs on the beaches for free, and pick up their garbage as well. Perhaps I confronted the writer about their littering. People like you should be banned from the beaches and writing job descriptions with poor sarcasm.
I agree with previous comments about this not being funny. Is littering, “Just having fun”?
Note: You haven’t had your ass handed to you yet? That’s a miracle. First, I’m a surfer, I have never brought anything to the beach but my board, some water, maybe a small amount of trail mix. I am also a member of the Surfrider Foundation, we have forgotten more about protecting the beaches and ocean than a stupid suburban white woman will ever know. If you had ever confronted me at the beach, you would remember it. Maybe busy body idiots like you should just shut up and mind your own business.
Cherri says
It’s everyone’s business! Only people who care about it DO and say something about it.
Paul Plante says
Why don’t you simply pick up their trash and politely hand it back to them, reminding them that they dropped it and you didn’t want them to leave without it in case there was something important to them in there.
Why the need for the drama and big production?
And why the need to screech at us as if we were all litterbugs?
Carry it in, carry it out.
Works for me, anyway.
Thomas D. Giese says
I think that if an outraged resident takes the time and thought to write to the mirror, then they should name names of these assholes. I would like a comprehensive list for public shaming. The mayor and town council, at their next meeting, should consider installing stocks on the beach. A threat to spend two hours in the stocks in late July will
quiet these unnamed assholes. There is a long tradition of stock in the Commonwealth of Virginia
VA Patriot says
How will we be able to identify the Beach Monitors ? Will they have a special uniform. Maybe brown shirts with lederhosen. You could even have a snappy armband with an archaic symbol on it. Since we don’t have a town jail should we build a camp for beach violators at the old ball diamond. My how history repeats itself.
James smith says
Boy wow, the come here are really destroying the place and the shore as a whole.
Melissa Marsh says
James it’s sad , Cape Charles isn’t the way it was when we were growing up. This virus has set people foolish! Maybe parking meters would help the town better instead of tasering people for not listening to our governor standards. You think we got riots surrounding us you haven’t seen one yet if folks from Cape Charles starts one. Maybe that is just what the people need to do to stand for their Rights!
Nioaka Marshall says
Idiotic post. No one said that tasers would be used, or any other weapon. Read the article CAREFULLY! And please learn to spell and don’t use words when you don’t t even know the meaning. Geezzzzz….
Stuart Bell says
My grandfather was a Marsh, so I will take up for her. Leave her the hell alone about spelling and her knowledge of a words meaning.
By the way what does ‘don’t t’ mean, or ‘Geezzzzz’ ???
Nioaka Marshall says
LOL!!! So, you are probably illiterate also? Check Webster’s dictionary.
Stuart Bell says
Watch your dress, your slip is showing.
jim kacz says
Wayne, That is some funny writing man. I see some folks bent out of shape but I get the dark humor.
Folks need to remember this ain’t CNN or FOX it is Cape Chuck.
I get you are Mocking our Gov. Black Face Crap Bag…
Anyone who thinks a $10.00 an hour beach guard will have a Gun or Taser because of your story watches too much CNN.
The Skin is Thin in Cape Chuck for sure.
As a 1980’s Navy Veteran I get the Humor and can tell the difference between actual news in the story and the humor part.
We don’t need more Karen’s in this world.
Note: Thanks Jim, it’s great to hear a common-sense perspective 🙂
Paul Plante says
But we need a whole lot more humor and that is a fact and Jim, thanks for your service and welcome home!
And yes, the FBI headquarters in Albany, NY is guarded by $10 an hour rent-a-cops, if you can believe that.
I had to drop something off there one time, and while waiting in the huge lobby, I was checking out the dudes they had guarding the place, one an out-of-shape, overweight geriatric dude and the other, that stick-thin dude with a huge pistol.
What caught my eye was the gloves the dude was wearing that made it look like he had Mickey Mouse hands.
My eye roved back and forth from his trigger finger in the glove to the space around where you would have to stick your finger to pull the trigger, and there was no way that gloved finger would ever fit inside the trigger guard, it was so fat.
That is who you will see guarding the beach this summer here in Cape Charles is my thought, anyway – good enough to keep the FBI safe, so good enough to keep the Cape Charles beach safe as well.
And what a boring world this would be for all of us without the Cape Charles Mirror to keep us entertained!
Martha says
Well, this was certainly entertaining to read all the way from Richmond. As someone who vacations annually in Cape Charles, it seems to me y’all need to decide if you want to be a tourist town or a podunk, off-the-beaten path backwater like Oyster, VA. (My ancestors were Torberts). Make up your mind, but let me just say that the last thing people who come to CC to spend their vacation money are expecting is BIG BROTHER at the beach. Y’all have completely bought in to the #Dempanic narrative. COVID19 is over. Just be glad no one is rioting in CC and torching police cars.
David Gay says
Well said!
Doug Luther says
Please, CC closed the town on a rumor. The only rioting going on in CC is from the senior citizens when they’re cut off during happy hour.
Maybe we need man like the Waterman that cleaned up the town during the early 1900s
Paul Plante says
As Cape Charles recruits its new beach patrol:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1lyNt5km8U
Jack N. Mehoff says
If you have a problem with the way it’s run then leave. The tourist community is the only thing keeping the economy where it needs to be(as little as it is). And do you really believe the beach patrol would be writing tickets and using tasers? It may be satirical or not but if you actually believe the start of the article, be glad stupidity isn’t painful because you would be hurting right now.
Suzanne Donovan Eder says
This is a really a silly convo with dark reflection by angry ‘from heres’ and self righteous ‘come heres’ . I have always considered myself a ‘from here’ as my mothers people have been here since the 1600’s. But as my father was from Delaware I suppose I have a foot in each boat. The economy that has been boosted by real estate investors has not , in my opinion, benefitted anyone but the slick out of state money that has made Cape Charles beach look like a mid atlantic South Beach. Our state regulators have , over the years, done nothing but cow tow to sport fishing and have given the big screw you to our local commercial fishermen. There was a time a man could work on the water and support his family, Richmond has made sure that that is a thing of the past. The little scows they went out in would never impact the sea life like the off shore out of state monster size boats do now…big business always looks out for it’s own. Cape Charles used to have a Silco, a Dime store, two or three clothing shops, two and at time three bars, a movie house and a real antiques shop. That was before big business like K mart and Roses and Walmart moved in. And I miss it, all the old days and the old ways. Things like equality and being kind,and decency these things we had , It wasn’t perfect, but miles better than now.
VA Patriot says
WE moved to Cape Charles 18 years ago to escape the Liberal madness of DC. We loved the quirkinesses and quiet as well as the friendliness of the Shore people. Sad to say a lot of that has changed. Too many liberals have moved in abusing our little town. Littering the beach, dogs craping on private property, underage kids driving golf carts recklessly. The foreign cabal has taken over the town government and imposed draconian rules on the citizens. They have even taken away potty privileges from the children. One visiting mother had to use our bathroom because her 3 young children were locked out of the town bathrooms. When will the madness end?
Stuart Bell says
I no longer recognize the Eastern Shore. Some towns have as little as 2 native families left. Thank you mortgage loan originators, real estate brokers and the agents that carry water for both.
Thank you for bringing this element to our homes.
Ray Otton says
Stuart, you might be surprise at how many of us “come here’s” have adopted the lifestyle and wouldn’t live anywhere else.
Doug Luther says
I recommend the Taser X26P two shot. For the town, It can also be equipped with a camera. It will make for good home videos.