Special Opinion by Thomy (I am quite content doing very little slowly) from Cape Charles on the Eastern Shore of Saltwater Virginia, where there is nothing to do and we do it all day long.
1.The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2.The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3.The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4.USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times.
5.The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
6.The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
7.The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8.The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9.The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.
10.The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
11.The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
12.The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
13.The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.
14 The Eastern Shore Post and the Mirror are read by people who don’t care who is running the country because the shore is not part of the country but an independent Republic.
About the Author
Fun to read Thomy. Thanks for submitting. I too received the memo decades ago, “the rat race is over, and the rats lost”. In the meantime I have fun (apparently like you) while I watch the world, such as it is and doesn’t have any idea how to be, goes by.
I am glad I never gained the familiarity with most of those papers, but smile while viewing your apparent insight. While on my circuitous sabbaticals around this country I discovered I really loved the land, but didn’t want many of the angry and confused opinions of the residents to clousy up my day.
Clousy. My word…..a mixture of lousy and cloudy, often used when speaking of the weather. As you can see I sometimes find applications with regards to my fellow man.
One point I will make as someone who has been a NY Post reader……..it’s also very much for the true sarcastic New Yorker, and the latest Vegas sports betting line. To this day, bookies around the country use that line as the bible, and the one your money will be up against. As many of us say in here, it’s all about The Benjamins.
With regards to us flatlanders on the Eastern Shore………..well I think many of us very much care about who is running the country, and how. Compared to the rest of the country, many of us also know aquaculture, and professionally work hard at raising shellfish in our coastal waters. We invest in nursery size clams and oysters, raise them to pump and clean our water, and then take them to market to participate in capitalism. We learn a whole lot about bottom feeders, as we truly have a vested interest in them. Then we go home to read and watch the antics of the media and the D.C. wannabees. We just shake our heads and get ready for another beautiful E.S. workday and wonder how THEY could be so ignorant as to believe we don’t know what a bottom feeder is over there.
This sounds right on the mark.