COLD OPEN
FADE IN:
INT. CAPE CHARLES COMMUNITY CENTER — AFTERNOON
A dreary courtyard with “COMMUNITY SERVICE” banner hanging crookedly. KAREN, wearing an orange vest, is halfheartedly picking up trash with a pointed stick. A SUPERVISOR checks his watch.
SUPERVISOR: And that’s the last of your court-mandated hours, Ms. Hoffman. Your community service is officially complete.
KAREN (dramatically removing vest): Finally! The system tried to break me, but the resistance endures!
SUPERVISOR (tired): Please return the vest and pointy stick before you leave.
KAREN: This stick is a symbol of my oppression! I should keep it as a reminder of—
SUPERVISOR: It cost the county twelve dollars. Hand it over.
Karen reluctantly surrenders the stick.
KAREN: When the revolution comes, this moment will be remembered.
SUPERVISOR (muttering): So will your Tesla antics. The mayor still parks three blocks away from his house.
Outside the community center, DENNIS waits by his pickup truck with JASMINE, who’s typing on her laptop.
JASMINE: Finishing touches on my chapter about the “Tesla Incident.” My editor says it’ll be the standout section of my book.
DENNIS: How’s the title? Still going with “The Resistance Will Bare Ass”?
JASMINE: Changed it to “Exposed: When Activism Shows Too Much.” More publishable.
Karen bursts through the doors, arms raised triumphantly.
KAREN: Free at last! The political prisoner has been released!
DENNIS: You were picking up trash for disturbing the peace and exposure.
KAREN: Details, Dennis. The important thing is I’m ready to rejoin the fight! Speaking of which, are we still on for Washington?
JASMINE: That was the deal. We drive you to the ICE protest if you promised no nudity and no vandalism.
KAREN: And I appreciate it! Bob, Gary, and Carol are already there setting up. They would’ve driven me, but…
DENNIS: Their licenses were suspended after the Tesla incident?
KAREN: Temporarily. The bus is better for the environment anyway!
DENNIS (opening truck door): Let’s get going then. Four-hour drive ahead of us.
KAREN (climbing in): Perfect! Four hours for me to explain the horrors of ICE to you both! I’ve prepared forty-seven talking points!
Dennis and Jasmine exchange a look of pure dread.
TITLE SEQUENCE: “Karen Takes on ICE” with protest signs being loaded into a truck while Karen applies face paint in the side mirror
ACT ONE
INT. DENNIS’S TRUCK — ONE HOUR INTO THE DRIVE
Karen is mid-rant, using her hands expressively. Dennis focuses on driving. Jasmine records notes on her phone.
KAREN: —and that’s why ICE is basically the modern Gestapo! Point fourteen of forty-seven!
DENNIS (patiently): Karen, I understand your concerns, but ICE actually serves multiple functions. Border security, combating human trafficking—
KAREN: Dennis! Not you too with the talking points! I thought after our butt-based bonding experience you would have evolved!
JASMINE: I think what Dennis is trying to say is that immigration enforcement is complex. There are legitimate security concerns—
KAREN: Et tu, Jasmine? I expected more from a woman of color!
JASMINE (sighing): And there it is. Karen, my race doesn’t dictate my political views on every issue.
KAREN (dramatically): But doesn’t your community—
DENNIS (interrupting): Karen, let’s try something. Instead of telling us points fifteen through forty-seven, how about we have a conversation? We might actually learn from each other.
KAREN (suspicious): Is this some kind of MAGA trap?
JASMINE: It’s called dialogue, Karen. People with different perspectives talking to each other instead of at each other.
KAREN: Fine. But I’m watching for microaggressions.
DENNIS: Look, my family came here from Mexico—legally—in the 1970s. My uncle waited seven years for his papers. So yes, I believe in an orderly immigration system.
KAREN: But the system is broken! People are suffering!
DENNIS: I agree it needs reform. But completely open borders isn’t the answer either.
JASMINE: What if we focused on making legal immigration more accessible while maintaining security?
KAREN: That sounds suspiciously moderate.
JASMINE: Moderation isn’t a dirty word, Karen.
KAREN: But we need radical change! Revolution!
DENNIS: Revolution through butt-rubbing on Teslas?
Karen looks out the window, momentarily silenced.
KAREN (softly): The Tesla thing may have been… tactically flawed.
JASMINE (surprised): Did you just admit a mistake?
KAREN: I said “tactically flawed.” The spirit was revolutionary. The execution needed refinement.
DENNIS: Like maybe keeping your pants on?
KAREN: Let’s not be vulgar!
All three laugh, a moment of genuine connection.
ACT TWO
INT. DENNIS’S TRUCK — THREE HOURS INTO THE DRIVE
The atmosphere has lightened. They’re sharing snacks, and the conversation flows more naturally.
JASMINE: So what’s the plan when we get there? Meet up with your group?
KAREN: Yes! Bob texted the location. We’re gathering at the Washington Monument, then marching to ICE headquarters. They’ve got the banners, signs, and the port-a-potty reservation.
DENNIS: You reserved a port-a-potty?
KAREN: After the…Cape Charles... incident, we realized bathroom access is crucial to maintaining dignity during extended protests.
JASMINE: That’s… surprisingly practical.
KAREN: We’re learning! As for the last protest, Carol’s butt rash was quite severe, so we understand the need for adequate precautionary measures.
DENNIS (changing the subject): And what message are you hoping to send today?
KAREN: That ICE should be abolished! Completely defunded!
JASMINE: And then what? Who handles immigration enforcement?
KAREN: We’ll figure that out after the victory! First abolish, then plan!
DENNIS: That approach seems… problematic.
KAREN: Look, ICE has only existed since 2003. America survived just fine before then.
JASMINE: That’s true, but we still had immigration enforcement, just under different agencies.
KAREN: Well, those were kinder, gentler times.
DENNIS: Not really. Immigration enforcement has been challenging regardless of who’s doing it. The key is balance—protecting borders while treating people humanely.
KAREN (thoughtful): Hmm. You both make some points that aren’t completely terrible. Inconsequential to the movement, but…
JASMINE: High praise from Karen!
KAREN: Don’t get used to it. I still think you’re both tragically misguided, flawed individuals, but your hearts might be in an adjacent area code to the right place.
DENNIS: That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
They all laugh again as the Washington Monument comes into view.
ACT THREE
EXT. NATIONAL MALL — LATE AFTERNOON
Dennis parks the truck. They grab water bottles and Karen’s protest bag. They begin walking toward the Washington Monument.
KAREN (checking phone): Bob says they’re set up on the east side. Look for the giant “ICE MELTS DEMOCRACY” banner.
As they walk, they notice TWO DIFFERENT CROWDS forming in the distance, on opposite sides of the area.
JASMINE: Looks like there are two events happening.
DENNIS: Is that a counter-protest?
KAREN (squinting): I can’t tell. Where are my people?
They get closer and see two signs. One reads “ICE PROTEST” with a modest crowd of middle-aged protesters. The other, much larger sign reads “ICP GATHERING” with a much larger, rowdier crowd dressed in black and white face paint.
KAREN: There they are! Look at that turnout! The resistance is growing!
DENNIS: Wait, Karen, I think that’s—
Before he can finish, Karen races toward the ICP crowd.
KAREN (running): My fellow warriors! The resistance has arrived!
JASMINE: Karen, that’s not—!
Too late. Karen disappears into the crowd of face-painted JUGGALOS.
DENNIS: What the hell is ICP?
JASMINE: Insane Clown Posse. It’s a horrorcore hip-hop group from Detroit. Those are their fans—they call themselves Juggalos.
DENNIS: Jugga-whats? And they’re protesting ICE too?
JASMINE: No, they’re here for a concert. The similar acronyms—
DENNIS: Oh no.
They rush toward the ICP crowd.
ACT FOUR
EXT. ICP GATHERING — CONTINUOUS
Karen pushes through the crowd of Juggalos, confused by the face paint and the distinct lack of protest signs about immigration. Instead, people are chanting “FAM-I-LY! FAM-I-LY!”
KAREN (to nearby JUGGALO): Where are the anti-ICE chants? And where’s Bob?
JUGGALO: Bob? You mean Violent J? He’ll be on stage soon, ninja!
KAREN: Violent… J? Is that his resistance name? And why is everyone wearing clown makeup?
JUGGALO: It’s a Gathering! Whoop whoop! Here, we need to whip you up!
The Juggalo hands Karen a can of whipped cream.
KAREN: Oh, no, thank you. I’m avoiding sweets. Trying to watch the figure.
JUGGALO: No baby, come here, Don’t eat it, just push back the top and suck the air.
KAREN: Like this?
Karen pushes back the whipped cream top and takes in a large gasp of CO2.
KAREN: Wow…everything is so bright, and it sounds like an echo out here…
Karen takes another large swallow just as the crowd begins to surge towards the stage.
JUGGALO: C’mon baby, let’s go! They gettin’ ready to start!
KAREN: Who? What? ICE is here???
Karen takes another whip-it, and as she begins to follow her new Juggalo friend, she’s lifted up by the crowd and begins body surfing toward the stage.
KAREN: Wait! This isn’t—AHHHH!
Dennis and Jasmine enter and fight their way through the crowd.
DENNIS: Can you see her?
JASMINE: There! They’re passing her overhead toward the stage! Karen is crowd surfing!
DENNIS: Is this normal at these events?
JASMINE: For Juggalos? Absolutely.
On stage, the INSANE CLOWN POSSE members appear, dressed in their iconic black and white clown makeup. The crowd goes wild. Karen is deposited onto the stage, looking utterly bewildered.
VIOLENT J: Whoop whoop! Who’s this ninja joining us?
Karen stands frozen, microphone suddenly in her face.
KAREN (confused): I… I’m here to protest ICE?
VIOLENT J: Immigration? That’s wack! Tonight we’re all family!
The crowd roars approval.
SHAGGY 2 DOPE: Let’s baptize this sister in Faygo!
Before Karen can object, she’s sprayed with multiple bottles of Faygo soda. The crowd goes wild. Karen stands there, drenched and sticky, as the music starts.
KAREN (shouting over music): This isn’t the immigration protest, is it?
VIOLENT J: Hell no! This is the Juggalo family! Dance, ninja!
Caught up in the moment and the music, Karen starts awkwardly dancing as more Faygo sprays over her.
ACT FIVE
EXT. ICP STAGE — MINUTES LATER
Dennis and Jasmine have reached the edge of the stage. They watch in disbelief as Karen—now with improvised face paint made of smeared clown makeup—dances with the Insane Clown Posse, periodically shouting confused anti-ICE slogans while the crowd cheers for completely different reasons.
JASMINE: Is she… enjoying this?
DENNIS: I think she is.
They manage to get a security guard’s attention.
DENNIS: That’s our friend up there! She’s at the wrong event!
SECURITY: Everyone on stage is supposed to be there, man.
JASMINE: She thinks she’s at an immigration protest! She’s covered in soda!
SECURITY: That’s Faygo, and it’s an honor to be baptized. Dude.
Dennis flashes his retired military ID.
DENNIS: Please. National security issue.
SECURITY (not impressed): Dude, really? Let the ninja dance….okay, follow me.
They make their way to the stage. Karen is now attempting to lead a chant about abolishing ICE while the Juggalos respond with “Whoop whoop!”
DENNIS (grabbing Karen): Karen! This is an Insane Clown Posse concert, not an immigration protest!
KAREN (shouting over music): What? I know…But they keep saying “family”—I thought they meant keeping families together!
JASMINE: Different context entirely! We need to go!
KAREN (soaked in Faygo): But they love my anti-ICE chants!
VIOLENT J (to crowd): Give it up for the crazy protest lady!
Crowd cheers wildly.
DENNIS: Karen! Come on!
They pull Karen off stage, much to the disappointment of the crowd. As they leave, a Juggalo hands Karen a bottle of Faygo and gives her a long, long French kiss.
JUGGALO: You’re family now, protest ninja!
KAREN (oddly touched): Thank you. Whoop… whoop?
The Juggalos give her a big hug, smearing their face paint onto her.
ACT SIX
EXT. NATIONAL MALL — TEN MINUTES LATER
Karen, Dennis, and Jasmine walk away from the ICP concert toward the actual ICE protest. Karen is soaked in Faygo, covered in smeared face paint, and looking dazed.
KAREN: I feel so inspired, like I made a real difference!
DENNIS: Karen. That was a hip-hop concert.
KAREN: But they were so accepting of my message…
JASMINE: That’s probably because they couldn’t hear your message.
KAREN: Oh, really? But they called me family. Not you two.
DENNIS: She has a point.
KAREN (thoughtful): They were more diverse than our protest group.
JASMINE: Yes, they were.
DENNIS: That’s one way to say it.
KAREN: And they didn’t ask me to take any optical diversity photos.
DENNIS: Because they weren’t trying to use you for Instagram metrics.
They approach the actual ICE protest, where BOB, GARY, and CAROL wait with signs. They stare in shock at Karen’s appearance.
BOB: Karen! What happened to you?
KAREN: I accidentally joined the wrong resistance.
CAROL: Is that… clown makeup?
KAREN: It’s a long story. Apparently, ICP is not the same as ICE.
GARY: You’re covered in something sticky…
KAREN: Faygo. It’s a baptism thing. Don’t ask.
Bob, Gary, and Carol exchange concerned looks.
BOB: We’ve been waiting for hours! The protest is almost over!
KAREN (looking back at the ICP concert): Actually, I’m not feeling very protesty anymore.
CAROL: What? But you were so passionate about abolishing ICE!
KAREN: I still care about immigration reform, but… I just inhaled whipped cream air, danced with hip-hop clowns and crowd-surfed over hundreds of people who didn’t care about my political affiliation. It was… liberating.
BOB: Are you saying you’re quitting the protest?
KAREN: Not at all. I’m saying maybe we’ve been doing this wrong. Fighting everything and everyone instead of finding common ground.
She gestures to Dennis and Jasmine.
KAREN: I spent four hours in a truck with these two, and we disagree on almost everything, but we still managed to have a real conversation. And a bit of fun.
GARY: Karen, are you feeling okay? Did you hit your head during the body surfing thing?
KAREN: I’m sticky, tired, and probably high on Faygo fumes, but I’m thinking clearer than I have in months.
DENNIS: I never thought I’d say this, but I agree with Karen.
JASMINE: Me too.
BOB (suspicious): They’ve brainwashed you, haven’t they? Karen, did they slip you any suspicious drugs?
KAREN: No, Bob. They just talked to me instead of at me. And those Juggalos… they have differences but they create community anyway.
CAROL: So you’re abandoning the cause?
KAREN: Of course, not. I’m more passionate than ever about it. I’m just rethinking our methods. Maybe there’s a middle path between doing nothing and rubbing our bare asses on Teslas.
Stunned silence from Bob, Gary, and Carol.
KAREN: Anyone want to get some dinner? I need to wash this Faygo off before it crystallizes. I could go for a cheeseburger and a cold glass of Faygo…
CAROL: But you’re vegan??
KAREN: Not tonight.
DENNIS: There’s a diner nearby. My treat.
JASMINE: I’m down.
Karen turns to her protest group.
KAREN: Coming?
They hesitate, then Gary steps forward.
GARY: Will you tell us more about the Juggalos?
KAREN: Whoop whoop, Gary. Whoop whoop.
They walk away together, leaving Bob and Carol behind with their protest signs.
BOB (calling after them): This is betrayal! Revolution requires commitment! Wait up!
CAROL (quietly): Do you think the diner has wet wipes? I still have a rash.
They look at each other, then hurry to catch up with the others.
TAG
INT. DINER — THAT EVENING
The entire group sits around a large table, eating and laughing. Karen, now cleaned up but still with traces of face paint, shows everyone pictures on her phone.
KAREN: And here’s me with Violent J! And that’s Shaggy spraying me with Faygo. Dennis, you got some great shots!
DENNIS: I thought you might want to remember.
BOB (reluctantly interested, reading about ICP on his phone): Their lyrics are actually quite subversive against capitalist structures…
GARY: I downloaded their music on the way here. It’s growing on me.
JASMINE (typing on laptop): “The unexpected collision of protest culture and horrorcore fandom creates surprising common ground.” That’s going in my book.
KAREN: Dennis, Jasmine, I’m sorry I overstepped and, well, stereotyped you both.
DENNIS: No worries. We’re all in this together…
KAREN: Baby steps, Dennis. No bare butts today—that’s progress!
CAROL: Speaking of which, the port-a-potty rental was non-refundable.
KAREN: Maybe the Juggalos can use it? They seemed very appreciative of the bathroom facilities.
They all laugh as Karen raises her soda.
KAREN: To finding unexpected common ground—and keeping our pants on while doing it!
ALL: Hear, hear!
As they clink glasses, we see through the window that Dennis’ truck has been decorated with Juggalo symbols and a note that reads “WHOOP WHOOP PROTEST NINJA – YOU’RE FAMILY NOW!”
FADE TO BLACK
CREDITS ROLL
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales, is entirely coincidental.
About the Author
Wayne, you gotta get this on stage at the Palace.. So many local “actors” would be naturals in their roles.. Cape Chuck has an abundance of this talent on hand; truly, stars walk among us every day.
But that’s what you meant, right? LMAO !!
Act 5. I can’t stop laughing as Karen dances deeper and deeper into her very own epiphany… “Woop – Woop”
Can’t we all get just get along? LMAO!! Somewhere left – Somewhere RIGHT?
Seriously though, funny stuff!