COLD OPEN
FADE IN:
INT. KAREN’S GARAGE — LATE JUNE MORNING
Karen’s garage has been transformed into a float-building workshop. Red, white, and blue materials are scattered everywhere, along with protest signs reading “NO KINGS,” “DEMOCRACY DIES IN SILENCE,” and “PATRIOTS RESIST TYRANNY.” A half-built parade float sits in the center — it’s a mess of plywood, papier-mâché, and patriotic bunting.
KAREN (wearing a “FOUNDING MOTHERS” t-shirt, directing traffic with a hot glue gun): Bob! The George Washington head needs to be bigger! More majestic!
BOB (70s, struggling with a papier-mâché head that looks more like a potato): Karen, I’m a retired professor, not Michelangelo!
GARY (attaching crooked bunting): This thing is going to fall apart before we reach Mason Ave.
CAROL (painting a banner): Maybe that’s fitting — democracy is falling apart too!
DENNIS and JASMINE enter, carrying coffee and looking skeptical.
DENNIS: Morning, everyone. How’s the float coming?
KAREN (proudly): Behold! The “No Kings” float! A patriotic tribute to resistance against authoritarianism!
JASMINE (examining the wobbly structure): It’s… very ambitious. Is that President Trump?
DENNIS: Tarred and feathered?
KAREN: Yes! Isn’t it glorious! We’re going to show Cape Charles what real patriotism looks like! Not flag-waving nationalism, but principled resistance to tyranny!
DENNIS: Karen, it’s the Fourth of July parade. People are expecting hot dogs and marching bands, not political statements.
KAREN: The Fourth of July IS a political statement! It’s about rejecting kings and tyrants!
BOB: Which is why we have these historically accurate effigies, like this one of King George III!
He gestures to several crude papier-mâché figures that are barely recognizable as human.
GARY: That one looks like my Uncle Harold.
CAROL: I thought it was supposed to be Benedict Arnold.
KAREN: Details! The important thing is the symbolism! We’re showing that Americans reject all forms of autocracy!
BOB: Especially TRUMP-TOCRACY!
JASMINE (taking notes): And you’re planning to… what with these effigies?
KAREN: Display them proudly as we march! Show the children of Cape Charles what our founders fought against!
DENNIS: Just… display them? Right?
KAREN: Of course! What else would we do?
Everyone exchanges worried glances as Karen continues hot-gluing things with manic enthusiasm.
*TITLE SEQUENCE: “No Kings” with images of crude effigies being built while patriotic music plays slightly off-key
ACT ONE
EXT. CAPE CHARLES MAIN STREET — JULY 4TH MORNING
The parade staging area buzzes with typical small-town activity. A MARCHING BAND warms up, children wave flags, golf carts are decorated with bunting and flags, and various group floats line up — most featuring cheerful patriotic themes. Then there’s Karen’s float.
The “No Kings” float looks even more precarious in daylight. The papier-mâché George Washington head is now tilting at a 45-degree angle, the bunting is unraveling, and the effigies look like scarecrows that survived a tornado.
PARADE COORDINATOR (60s, clipboard, very stressed): Ms. Hoffman, what exactly is your float’s theme?
KAREN: Historical accuracy! We’re celebrating the spirit of 1776!
COORDINATOR: It says here you’re in the “Family Fun” category.
KAREN: Teaching children about resisting tyranny IS family fun!
COORDINATOR (noting the effigies): And those… figures?
BOB: King George III and various enemies of democracy!
COORDINATOR: They look… menacing. And that one looks a lot like President Trump.
GARY: That’s historically accurate! King George WAS menacing! And as for Trum….I mean, he whose name shall not be spoken, is pretty spot on!
DENNIS approaches with JASMINE, both wearing red, white, and blue but looking concerned.
DENNIS: Karen, maybe we should discuss the optics here…
KAREN: The optics are perfect! Patriotic resistance!
JASMINE: Some of those effigies look pretty… contemporary.
CAROL: I may have gotten carried away with current events.
She points to one effigy wearing what appears to be a red MAGA hat.
KAREN: Art reflects life, Carol! Very avant-garde!
COORDINATOR (increasingly nervous): The parade starts in ten minutes. Please keep everything… peaceful.
KAREN: Of course! We’re patriots, not anarchists!
As the Coordinator walks away, BOB climbs onto the float and accidentally knocks over the George Washington head, which rolls into the street.
BOB: Technical difficulties!
GARY: Just like the Unity Festival!
KAREN: Everything’s fine! Dennis, can you help Bob secure that head?
DENNIS (reluctantly climbing onto the float): This thing is held together with hope and hot glue.
JASMINE: I’m documenting this for posterity.
The guest MARCHING BAND from New York starts playing “The Star-Spangled Banner,” but they’re severely out of tune.
KAREN (getting emotional): Do you hear that? The sound of freedom!
CAROL: It sounds like cats in a blender.
KAREN: Patriotic cats!
ACT TWO
EXT. CAPE CHARLES MAIN STREET — PARADE IN PROGRESS
The parade is underway. The “No Kings” float lurches down Main Street, leaving a trail of fallen bunting and papier-mâché pieces. Karen stands proudly on the front, waving a colonial flag.
KAREN (shouting to the crowd): Remember the spirit of 1776! Question authority! Resist tyranny! No Kings!!!
SPECTATORS line the sidewalk — families with children, local residents in lawn chairs, and various tourists. Their reactions range from confused to amused to concerned.
SPECTATOR #1: What’s that float supposed to be?
SPECTATOR #2: I think it’s historical?
CHILD: Mommy, why are those people angry at the scarecrows?
On the float, BOB tries to steady the tilting Washington head while GARY waves enthusiastically. CAROL holds a sign reading “DEMOCRACY: USE IT OR LOSE IT.”
BOB (to Gary): This head is going to fall on someone!
GARY: Maybe it’s symbolic! The fall of democracy!
KAREN: Everything is symbolic, Gary! We’re living history!
DENNIS walks alongside the float, trying to catch falling pieces.
DENNIS: Karen, one of your effigies just lost its head!
KAREN: Even better! Off with their heads! Very French Revolution!
JASMINE (jogging to keep up): Karen, the French Revolution didn’t end well!
KAREN: We’re Americans! We do revolutions better! New York City just nominated a communist-socialist-anti-semite-pro-terrorist-police defunder for Mayor!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #1: FREE STUFF! FREE STUFF!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #2: BRING BACK OBAMA BUCKS! MORE FREE STUFF!!!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #1: Down with Trump and his MAGGOT followers!
Suddenly, a group of COUNTER-PROTESTERS appears on the sidewalk with “SUPPORT OUR PRESIDENT” signs.
COUNTER-PROTESTER #1: What’s this anti-American garbage?
KAREN (through a megaphone that’s working perfectly for once): This IS pro-American! We’re celebrating the rejection of monarchy!
COUNTER-PROTESTER #2: Looks like Trump-bashing to me!
BOB: If the shoe fits!
The crowd tension begins to rise. More people start gathering on both sides.
DENNIS (urgently to Karen): We need to keep moving!
KAREN: The First Amendment protects political speech!
GARY: Even at parades?
JASMINE: To a point, but let’s get this thing moving!
Just then, the float hits a pothole, and the George Washington head finally breaks free, rolling dramatically toward the crowd, knocking over a lady wearing a HARRIS/WALTZ tee shirt.
LADY IN TEE SHIRT: I’m hurt! I’ve been injured by a racist American relic! Call a doctor…and a lawyer!!
COUNTER-PROTESTER #1 (dodging the head): They’re attacking us with their fake history!
KAREN: It’s real history! George Washington warned against kings!
The Local Soccer contingent, also marching in the parade, gathered George Washington’s head and began passing it back and forth, showing off a crisp, highly-skilled passing drill.
GARY: Hey, you Punks! Leave George’s head alone! Give it back!
SOCCER PLAYER: Where do you want it?
GARY: Back here on the float.
SOCCER PLAYER: Where?
GARY (Pointing to the original location of George’s head) Right here.
The Soccer Player fires a perfect, bending shot right into Gary’s face, sending him reeling back into the float. After striking Gary, George Washington’s head falls back into place, actually more secure than it had been all morning.
ACT THREE
EXT. CAPE CHARLES MAIN STREET — CHAOS ENSUES
The parade has essentially stopped as more people gather around the “No Kings” float. The friendly family atmosphere is rapidly deteriorating.
PARADE COORDINATOR (running up, frantic): Ms. Hoffman! You need to move along!
KAREN: We’re exercising our constitutional rights!
COORDINATOR: You’re blocking the Veterans of Foreign Wars!
Behind them, a group of VETERANS in a convertible wait patiently while the chaos unfolds.
VETERAN (calling out): We fought for your right to protest, but could you do it a little faster?
KAREN (torn between respect and activism): Oh, shut up….I mean, of course! Veterans are heroes of democracy!
CAROL: Are they?
She tries to get the float moving, but BOB has gotten into a heated discussion with several BYSTANDERS about historical accuracy.
BOB: King George III was a tyrant! That’s not an opinion, it’s a fact!
BYSTANDER: We got rid of King George in 1776! This is about today!
BOB: History repeats itself!
BYSTANDER: Not if you learn from it!
CAROL, meanwhile, has begun handing out pamphlets titled “Tyranny: A Pattern Recognition Guide.”
CAROL: Take a pamphlet! Learn the warning signs!
CONFUSED TOURIST: I just wanted directions to the restroom.
CAROL: Democracy doesn’t wait for bathroom breaks! Oh, there are no restrooms in Cape Charles…try and find a hidden bush somewhere.
GARY accidentally knocks over another effigy, which falls into the crowd.
GARY: Sorry! Gravity is apparently anti-democratic!
The effigy’s red hat falls off, and people start arguing about whether it’s historically accurate or contemporary political commentary.
COUNTER-PROTESTER #3: That’s clearly meant to be–
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER (appearing from nowhere): –a symbol of authoritarianism!
More people join the growing crowd. DENNIS and JASMINE find themselves trying to physically keep groups separated.
DENNIS: Everyone, calm down! It’s the Fourth of July!
JASMINE: Can we all agree that we love America and just have different opinions about how to show it?
KAREN (still on the float with her megaphone): See? Unity through diversity of thought!
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD: Your diversity looks like chaos!
KAREN: Chaos is the price of freedom!
ACT FOUR
EXT. CENTRAL PARK — LATE AFTERNOON
The parade has ended, but a large crowd has followed Karen’s group to Central Park. What started as a dozen people is now nearly fifty, split between supporters and opponents. The float sits partially disassembled, with effigies scattered around.
KAREN (addressing the crowd): This is what democracy looks like! Passionate debate in the public square!
BOB: Just like the Boston Common!
GARY: Except with tourists!
CAROL has set up an impromptu information station with pamphlets and bottled water.
CAROL: Stay hydrated while defending democracy!
The PROGRESSIVE PROTESTERS who joined earlier have brought their own supplies.
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #1: We should do something symbolic! Something that shows we reject tyranny!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #2: Like what the founders would have done!
KAREN (getting excited): Yes! Historical reenactment!
DENNIS (warning tone): Karen…
JASMINE: What exactly are you thinking?
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #3: What did they do with King George’s statue in New York?
BOB (eagerly): They pulled it down and melted it for musket balls!
KAREN: We don’t have a statue, but we have effigies!
GARY: Are you suggesting…?
CAROL: Symbolic destruction of tyranny!
DENNIS: You want to destroy your parade float decorations?
KAREN: Not destroy — liberate! Free the people from the symbols of oppression!
JASMINE: Karen, you’re talking about burning papier-mâché in a public park.
KAREN: It’s performance art! Political theater!
DENNIS (trying to mediate): Nobody’s burning anything! Right, Karen?
KAREN (hesitating): Well… historically speaking…
BOB: The Sons of Liberty burned effigies of tax collectors!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #1: It’s symbolic speech protected by the First Amendment!
GARY: Do we have matches?
CAROL (producing a lighter): I came prepared!
DENNIS and JASMINE (simultaneously): NO!
ACT FIVE
EXT. CENTRAL PARK — ESCALATING CHAOS
The crowd has grown larger and more divided. Someone has called the POLICE, who arrive just as BOB is trying to explain the historical precedent for effigy burning to increasingly agitated COUNTER-PROTESTERS.
POLICE OFFICER: What’s the situation here?
KAREN: Officer! We’re conducting a peaceful historical reenactment!
COUNTER-PROTESTER #2: They’re planning to burn stuff!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #2: It’s a symbolic political expression!
POLICE OFFICER (looking at the scattered papier-mâché): Ma’am, you can’t burn anything in the park. Fire ordinance.
KAREN: But the Sons of Liberty–
POLICE OFFICER: The Sons of Liberty didn’t have a fire ordinance.
BOB: This is censorship!
POLICE OFFICER: This is public safety.
GARY, who has been trying to organize the effigies, accidentally knocks over Carol’s information table.
GARY: Sorry! The wind is apparently pro-tyranny!
Pamphlets scatter everywhere. People start grabbing them, reading them, and getting more agitated.
CONFUSED TOURIST (reading pamphlet): “Ten Signs Your Democracy is Dying”? I thought this was a parade!
CAROL: Education never stops!
JASMINE (to Dennis): We need to de-escalate this before someone gets hurt.
DENNIS: Karen! Maybe it’s time to wrap up the historical reenactment!
KAREN (still holding her megaphone): But we haven’t made our point yet!
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #3: What if we just… pantomime burning them?
KAREN (considering): Interpretive political theater?
BOB: Like performance art!
COUNTER-PROTESTER #1: You’re all crazy!
POLICE OFFICER: Everyone needs to start dispersing. Now.
Just then, a GUST OF WIND picks up several loose pieces of papier-mâché and blows them around the park like confetti. A man walking his dog finishes his cigarette and flicks it into the field, onto some papier-mâché. The papier-mâché catches fire and sets off a chain reaction, with flames engulfing the float.
GARY: Even nature is joining the resistance!
CAROL: It’s a sign! Smell it! Democracy is literally in the air!
JASMINE: I think you’re smelling toxic chemicals.
Suddenly, the group realizes that the effigy of President Trump has just gone up in flames
CAROL: Look! Trump is on fire!
KAREN (inspired): We’ll let him return to the earth naturally! Biodegradable revolution!
As the float burns, the Progressives clasp hands, form a circle around the blaze, and begin to sing a very off-key version of ‘Disco Inferno’
CAROL: Burn, Baby, Burn!
DENNIS: Oh, my. Are you going to put that in your book?
JASMINE: I don’t think the English language is equipped to adequately describe it.
DENNIS (to the police): A 911 call to the fire department may be in order.
BOB picks up the George Washington head that had somehow escaped the flames.
BOB: Poor George. He tried to warn us about political parties, too.
PROGRESSIVE PROTESTER #1: And about foreign influence! Rat-faced oligarchs! Let them burn!
KAREN (suddenly hopeful): See? Common ground! Everyone loves George Washington!
POLICE OFFICER: Great. Now, everyone step away from the flames.
Fire trucks scream into the park. Firefighters put out the fire, but covered everyone in water and flame-retardant foam in the process.
ACT SIX
EXT. CENTRAL PARK — SUNSET
The crowd has mostly dispersed. KAREN, DENNIS, JASMINE, BOB, GARY, and CAROL sit on park benches, wet, covered in foam, and surrounded by the scattered remains of their float.
KAREN (deflated but still optimistic): Well, that was… educational.
JASMINE: It was certainly something.
DENNIS: At least nobody got arrested this time.
BOB: The day is young!
CAROL: I handed out all my pamphlets! Mission accomplished!
KAREN: I just wanted to celebrate what makes America great — the right to dissent!
JASMINE: Even if your execution was… ambitious.
A PARK MAINTENANCE WORKER approaches with a trash bag.
MAINTENANCE WORKER: You folks planning to clean up this mess?
KAREN (jumping up): Of course! Patriots clean up after themselves!
They all start gathering papier-mâché pieces.
BOB: You know, there’s something poetic about this. Democracy is messy.
GARY: Literally, in our case.
DENNIS: The most accurate statement of the day.
JASMINE: Agreed.
KAREN picks up the remains of the George Washington head.
KAREN: Old George looks like he’s seen better days.
BOB: Don’t we all.
KAREN: But he’s still recognizable! Still standing for something!
GARY: Even after being hit by a parade float, soccer kicked, and blown around a park.
CAROL: That’s very metaphorical.
DENNIS: Or just very Cape Charles.
They continue cleaning up. In the distance, FIREWORKS begin going off over the harbor.
JASMINE: Well, at least we didn’t miss the fireworks.
KAREN: Every day in a democracy is fireworks, Jasmine.
BOB: That’s either very profound or very concerning.
KAREN: Both! Just like America!
TAG
INT. CAPE CHARLES DINER — LATER THAT EVENING
The group sits around their usual table, tired but in good spirits. KAREN has a new notebook labeled “NEXT YEAR’S PARADE: LESSONS LEARNED.”
KAREN: So for next year, maybe a more… stable float design.
DENNIS: And perhaps fewer effigies.
KAREN: Or better-secured effigies.
JASMINE: Or maybe just signs?
KAREN: Signs are so… static. Democracy is dynamic! What about a float that represents unity instead of resistance?
GARY: Like what?
CAROL: A giant melting pot? Oh wait, that might be culturally insensitive now.
KAREN: A giant mixing bowl! All the different ingredients make a delicious salad!
JASMINE: Please tell me you’re not planning to bring actual food.
KAREN: Why not? Edible democracy!
Everyone stares at her.
KAREN: Too ambitious again?
ALL: Yes.
In the distance, they can see the last of the fireworks reflected in the harbor.
BOB: You know, despite everything, this was a pretty good Fourth of July.
GARY: We exercised our rights, expressed our views, and nobody got seriously hurt.
JASMINE: Except poor old George…
CAROL: Plus, I distributed a lot of educational materials.
DENNIS: And we all learned something about the importance of proper float construction.
KAREN: And I learned that sometimes the best revolution is just showing up and caring enough to try.
BOB: That’s surprisingly wise, Karen. And almost intelligible.
KAREN: Don’t get used to it. I’m already planning our Labor Day float.
EVERYONE: NO!
They all laugh as the fireworks finale explodes outside the window.
FADE TO BLACK
CREDITS ROLL
During credits: A montage of photos from the parade showing the float’s gradual disintegration, people reading Carol’s pamphlets with confused expressions, and the group cleaning up papier-mâché while arguing about historical accuracy. The final image is the park maintenance worker finding the George Washington head in a tree the next morning.
About the Author
Very entertaining! You should be working in Hollywood.